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Taintstick

Sir Eagle Cock III

Back in the time, before time began
When the evil sea turtles
The imagining gunts
The neckless raccoons
And the much feared bush pigs of Dick Doo walked the Earth
One man stood for justice, for truth, for all of us
This is his story
Handed down from generation to generation
This is all true

Join me now the tale
The greatest you've ever heard
The bravest of men
The slayer of guns
Sir Eagle Cock III

He comes from these places to Magical World
Where things are just not quite real
Where a man with no legs runs a charity race
And could still finger Jessica Biel

The man with no penis has come to redeem us
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And save us from all we fear
The turtles of doom and the vaginas of groomed
And the gerbils of ridged gear
Theres a man you can count on on gravity mountain
And always is up for fun
If your chick has a friend
He will always pretend that the bitch isn't ugly or dumb

There once was a time with out reason or rhyme
When the one legged sea turtle woke
It was death or romance so off came his pants
And he gave her a charity poke

So gather round children be silent and listen to stories you've never heard
Of neckless raccoons and bush pigs of Dick Doo
A hero who's half man half bird
If you think you've seen it you only have dreamed it
Cuz eagles have no dick or balls
A cock in the moly has no baloney
Our hero has no cock at aaaaaaaaalllllll